You have to be patient to get the doctor's appointment.

I was dropped from the 100 meters running team after I kept on getting tired before the finish line.

 My coach said that I was not performing up to the mark.

The guy who invented the time machine is way ahead of his time.

I visited an antique computer store.

Just to bring back old memories.

My mate loves sitting for a long time and when the seat heats up, he starts talking about the existential questions of humanity.

He is a warm-chair philosopher.

People say that I'm a cunt because I ask them for money in exchange of politically incorrect opinions. I beg to differ.

I own a solar powered food maker. It's an apple tree.

Gym.

I've opened a gym, in which the instructors would go from door to door and brag about the various benefits of joining it. I've named it 'Jehovah's Fitness'.

Setup pun

Some of my friends secretly downloaded an EXE file into my laptop.

It was a setup.

Faith in humanity restored.

I'd deleted a file named 'Faith in humanity' but later on, I got it back from the recycle bin.

Faith in humanity restored.