Setup pun

Some of my friends secretly downloaded an EXE file into my laptop.

It was a setup.

Faith in humanity restored.

I'd deleted a file named 'Faith in humanity' but later on, I got it back from the recycle bin.

Faith in humanity restored.

Animal Pun

I've opened a barber shop for animals.

We only do hare cuts.

Atheism Oneliner

Calling atheism a religion is like calling virginity a sex position.

Time Pun

When my clock stopped working, I managed to repair it in no time.

Reason for not going to the gym

I didn't go to the gym today.

The escalator there was not working.

Astronomy pun

I just had a trip to the International Space Station.

All I can do now, is stare at the astronomical bill.

Physics pun

In my physics class, I was asked, "What's the lowest temperature that's ever possible?"

My knowledge on this topic was Absolute Zero.

Misunderstanding pun

In our astronomy class, we were asked to write an essay on Mars.

I thought to myself, "How the fuck did they manage to sponsor our space travel?"

Mathematical Pun 4

I never borrow anything.

That's why I suck at subtracting numbers.